Waiting…

Another one involving the moon. Showing my workings (sort of). Still trying to decide if the elipsis is overkill?

waiting for the bus…
a thin strip of cloud
drifts across the moon

a thin strip of cloud
drifts across the moon
waiting…

a thin cloud
drifts across the waning moon
waiting…

a thin cloud
crosses the waning moon
waiting…

Advertisements

About El Norto

I write haiku. This is my haiku journal.
This entry was posted in Haiku, Poetry and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Waiting…

  1. JdUb says:

    I think it reads well without the ellipsis, but …

  2. alarmingman says:

    Yes, I’ve gone through this myself over the years. Each haiku has a million variations and yet only one is correct…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s